I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize