Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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