Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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