it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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