I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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