I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
