hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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