Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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