i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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