Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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