it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Quick, to the slutcave!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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