sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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