I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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