I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize