I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize