Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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