I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
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she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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