My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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