I got chris browned last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize