Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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