I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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