She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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