We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need to calm my uterus...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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