watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize