my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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