if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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