Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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