woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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