I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize