i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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