it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize