Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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