I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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