you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize