An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
the raccoons are back...
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