It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize