im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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