Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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