I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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