"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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