Just took my morning after pill in the library
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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