I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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