i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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