But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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