you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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