Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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