I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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