Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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