I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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