oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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