Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish I could teleport
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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